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2007: A Year In
The Life Of The Sandes Of Georgia
one run-on sentence at a time
January: With the installation of the 10 foot TV screen, we
no longer project onto an orange wall and celebrity faces return to
normal. In the spirit of The New Year, reading lists are made,
college funds set up, golf clubs purchased, movie queues extended
and summer camps selected. After that, resolutions dissolve like
promises in the wind.
February: Linda publishes humor- no really- in a small mag,
finishes the second novel for the second time then celebrates at a
writing festival in Dahlonega with Lisa where she drinks wine with
Cassandra King and tries to get invited over so she can see Pat
Conroy in an apron. The opening of the long-awaited Gold’s Gym pulls
Michael off the couch between football games, while Piper learns to
shape her body into letters for modern dance and Colt expands his
electric guitar repertoire past one song by Led Zeppelin and half of
one by Aerosmith.
March: Michael finally gets to see the play Glen Garry Glen
Ross and even though we’ve been warned– we still flinch every time
the old man (who also plays Scrooge at Christmas) drops the f-bomb.
Linda celebrates her birthday at a challenging ropes course in the
woods with adventurous pals, then meets the chicken ones for drinks
and games at ESPN zone, where Michael thinks the screens are small
compared to his own- at least we think he’s talking about the
screen. Linda tells their wedding story in SKIRT! Magazine and the
kids prep for Easter and a visit from Terri and Haynes from Texas.
Much pointing and touching at the new Aquarium.
April: Colt gets another guitar. Piper gets headphones and
Linda discovers the medicinal qualities of Peach Sangria. Michael
sleeps through the lunar eclipse and Linda does more writer things,
like hear her winning story about a forest fire read aloud by a
lovely Scottish Granny who even makes the word “shit” sound nice.
The boys donate their bodies to The March of Dimes for the day and
come home with sore legs and too many pictures of pretty
cheerleaders.
May:
Things break. Things get repaired and replaced and we learn that the
free-cycle program might be great, but sometimes people don’t show
up and you have a couch in your foyer for way too long. Linda goes
on a girly rampage from a Gwen Stefani night to hosting Mom’s
Morning In: chick flicks with a side of champagne. It’s all
preparation for a “Passion Party,” where she learns the nice Yankee
lady who signs you up at the fair booth is not necessarily the one
who’s going to come to your house. THAT person may show up a bag of
toys, a carton of edible lotions and her lover from Alabama who
suffers from ingrown hairs.
June:
We’re concerned when Colt’s more enamored with goats in a field at
Piper’s dance recital than pretty girls on stage. Lucy the yorkipoo,
AKA “Bucket” enters womanhood and is promptly escorted to the vet,
so Kallahan can get some rest and the humans can gallop off to The
West Indies. The airline we love to hate- Spirit Airlines- DO NOT
FLY THEM, EVER!- totally screws us and in less than 2 hours, we
double the cost of our trip, but still make it to Puerto Rico in
time for lunch- and end up visiting four other countries we hadn’t
planned on seeing. Amazing things happen in Anguilla. Secret things
that you must go see for yourself.
July:
Piper has another pool party. No one drowns. The kids go to camp.
Church camp. The parents have no idea what to do with themselves.
Linda recuperates from SURVIVOR Bunko Night in the back yard, where
it was like a rainforest typhoon thing and she STILL made the losers
go out to the beach. Hey, they had a flashlight, or a lighter or
something.
August:
Kids go back to school and the house returns to normal, with Linda
spending a stormy weekend on a houseboat with the Bunko Broads and
Michael claiming his own bench at the gym. Piper cuts her hair,
signs up for hip-hop and drops ballet while Colt grows his hair long
and heads back to the music studio, guitars in tow. He is officially
a teenager. She is just Pi.
September: Some people celebrate anniversaries with diamond
jewelry and fancy dinners. Michael takes Linda to the racetrack and
straps her into a NASCAR. Two weeks later, after Linda can speak
again, she retaliates by ordering her own German sports car. Colt
and his pals form a rock band with assorted evil-sounding names and
a Christian bent, ‘cuz that’s how they roll.
October:
Michael’s car dies for the ninth time and much to his dismay he
becomes a gas guzzling SUV driver. Linda has nasal surgery and
realizes breathing is good. The Netherworld Haunted House tour is
decidedly NOT better on a weekend even though the bars are open
later afterward because standing in line INSIDE a spook house
definitely takes the scare out of it. During the worst drought in
Georgia history, the Sandes install landscaping and a sprinkler
system thereby willing it to rain in three counties. Linda takes the
hot car, “Hans- Sharon” on a road trip to the coast to woo agents
and editors. Buying rounds of shots works. More writing.
November: Linda posts 30 days of shoes, gains an online
following. Needs more shoes. Super Heroes die at The Annual Murder
Mystery Party where Michael dresses up in a manner that can never
hit the Internet. Being a partner in an up and coming business does
have its benefits, privacy being one of them. Playing Wii games on
Thanksgiving yields sore shoulders and hoarse voices. Pi contracts
Fifth’s Disease, which is not as bad as Fourth’s or even thank
goodness, close to Eighth’s. The boys head to the mountains for
ATV’ing, where Colt learns the big RED arrow with the circle around
it and the line through it means ToTALLY the wrong way, dude.
December:
Linda’s writers group party opens the month, followed by a
p-ornament exchange- Well, at least ONE (c’mon, who doesn’t like a
well-endowed pig in a pink marabou tutu?) Preparations for Michael’s
football viewing/yard game/wine tasting/pictionary birthday party
are underway with a fridge full of beer, a cake on order and good
food in the wings. Just something to do as we await a visit from our
Albuquerque contingent and the fat man in red who just might be able
to make that 10 foot TV screen into 130” of Playstation3 Guitar Hero
fun.
Wishing
you all a happy holiday season with God’s blessings and hoping that
in the New Year, your right hand will always be stretched out in
friendship but never in want,
Michael, Linda, Colton and Piper Lee
Sandes
 click
on shoes to go home
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